Empty Handed and lost

A would-be robber who came up empty at a sports complex struck out for good when he got lost searching for an exit.

The 61-year-old man, armed with what looked like a gun, entered the Uihlein Soccer Park in Milwaukee at 12:45 p.m. Thursday, police said.

He first tried to hold up a woman in an office, but she had no money, according to Capt. Darlene Jenkins. He then tried to mug a man who had a wallet — which turned out empty, Jenkins said.

The frustrated robber tried to flee but got lost and couldn't find the exit, Jenkins said.

People eventually realized the man's gun was fake and held him for police. When authorities arrived, the man complained of chest pains and was taken to a hospital before police brought him to jail.

Need a Place to Hide? Even the Ceiling Won't Protect You

A woman apparently didn't want to leave a discount store on Thursday.

At about 11:30 a.m., authorities responded to a call from a Pamida store employee reporting that a woman was trying to pass a bad check, Fergus Falls Police Capt. Steve Adams said.

The 36-year-old woman was in the checkout line on Thursday when squad cars showed up. Rather than leaving the store through its front doors, she bolted for the back of the store, Adams said.

Using a police dog, police found her in the suspended ceiling around 4 p.m. The woman was taken to the Otter Tail County Detention Center.

Ooops! Forgot Something!


A man accused of burglarizing a laundromat in Elko figured he made a clean escape over the weekend when he took off with the store's six video surveillance cameras.

But it turns out he left some rather compelling evidence behind — the video machine and videotape that recorded his face each time he stood in front of the cameras at the Southside Laundry.

Elko police said they came away with several close-ups of the suspect, Robert Lynn White, 52, Elko.

And even if the portraits were a little fuzzy, police said they would have been able to easily identify him because he was wearing cowboy chaps and a trench coat, the usual attire he wears around town.

Police are still working to recover the missing cameras but in the meantime they have arrested White on suspicion of grand larceny. The store is owned by Elko County Commissioner John Ellison

Yeah, I Stole It ... Now Help Me!

A man who tried to steal an ATM with a backhoe was arrested when he asked police officers who were chasing him for help after he jumped into the Kansas River, police said.

Police said the man, in his 50s, used the backhoe to break into a convenience store in Kansas City, Kan., then tried to drive away with the Automated Teller Machine. As the man tried to flee, the machine and 12 packs of soda fell from the backhoe, police said.

Police followed the man as he took the backhoe through a wooded area before fleeing on foot.

After jumping into the Kansas River, the man swam out about 15 feet from shore, then called for help, saying he was drowning, the police department said.

Two officers jumped into the river, rescued him and arrested him, police said.

The man was taken to a hospital after complaining of an ankle injury, police said. The two officers were unharmed.

Colorado Springs:

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

SANTA BARBARA, California

A career criminal was sentenced to 25 years to life in prison under California's three-strikes law for stealing $11 worth of wine, lip balm and breath freshener. Superior Court Judge Frank Ochoa called Ronald Herrera, 57, one of the worst criminals to pass through his courtroom, and prosecutor Darryl Perlin said: "He's what the three-strikes law is all about." Herrera's record lists 17 serious felonies, including a 1971 home-invasion robbery and rape of a woman and her 15-year-old daughter, the shooting of a police dispatcher, and six armed robberies in Virginia. He was sentenced Thursday for burglary and petty theft at a supermarket. At trial, his lawyer said Herrera has a brain injury that made him forget to pay for the items.

Georgia:

Investigating a purse snatching, detectives picked up  a man who fit the thief's description and drove him back to the scene. He  was told to exit the car and face the victim for an I.D. The suspect carefully eyed the victim, and blurted, "Yeah, that's the woman I robbed."

Arizona:

A man walked into a local Kwik Shop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

Kentucky:

Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home...with the chain still attached to the machine...with their bumper still attached to the chain...with their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

South Carolina:

A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.

Indiana:

A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet (with ID) on the counter.

England:

A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.

Arizona:

A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year- old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.

Texas:

A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.

(Location Unknown):

A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.

(Location Unknown):

A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help ...

Virginia:

Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.

Louisiana:

A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.

Seattle:

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

San Francisco:

It seems a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote, "This iz a stikkup.  Put all your muny in this bag."  While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window.  So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.  After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.  She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stick up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left.  The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who seized the man as he waited a the back of the line at Bank of America.

(Location Unknown):

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car.  They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

Michigan:

Drug possession defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant.  The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun.  Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court.  He handed it over so the judge could see it.  The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute
recess to compose himself.

Oklahoma City:

Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your [expletive] head off."  The defendant paused, then quickly added, "-if I'd been the one that was there."  The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30 year sentence.

Michigan:

R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer's asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver's license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because  information on the screen showed Gaitlin was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

Tennessee:

 A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera).

Arkansas:

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.  He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.  Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.  The whole event was caught on videotape.

Michigan:

A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"  When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

California:

A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judge ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify.

Ohio:

A man arrested for sexual assault in June, crawled into bed with three sleeping women and had sex with one of them "to prove a point." He said he wanted "to show her she could be had," because he suspected the women to be a lesbian. Said the investigator, "He thought it would bring her back right and make her act right." 

Georgia:

Investigating a purse snatching, Brunswick, detectives picked up a man who fit the thief's description and drove him back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the victim for an I.D. The suspect dutifully eyed the victim, and blurted, "Yeah, that's the woman I robbed."

Nashville:

They tell of Fred "Junior" Williams, the burglar who fell asleep on the sofa of the home he was robbing, only to be awakened by police.

Thibodaux, Louisiana:

A robber with a thick Cajun accent couldn't get restaurant patrons to understand his demand for money. Frustrated, he whipped out his gun, but it wouldn't fire. Grabbing the cash register, he ran -- but got only three feet before falling down. The register was still plugged into the wall. Unplugging it, he tried again, but a diner decked him and called police.

Rhode Island:

Cops were sure they had the right guy when the suspect in a string of coin-machine thefts paid his $400 bail entirely in quarters.

Texas:

Authorities, responding to a store robbery, seized a man who was fleeing naked. He said he'd stripped after the job because he figured his clothes would make him identifiable.

Lawrence, Kansas:

Officers tracked a midnight thief who prided himself on his running speed by following the red lights on his high-tech tennis shoes.

Virginia:

A janitor went to great lengths to avoid I.D. in a 7-Eleven robbery, using a ski mask and rental car for the occasion. But he also wore his work uniform, which said "Cedar Woods Apartments" and had his name, Dwayne, stitched across the front.